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KP says: The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (2D) [2014]   Rating: Rating: 2/6   
Updated: 2014-12-10 19:52:42    Type:  movie review     English  View Comment Details   
Well, what can I say that I didn't already say after the second Hobbit movie? Not much I guess. If you've never read the novel and you really enjoy watching Peter Jackson and friends having fun telling a story loosely based on Tolkien's The Hobbit then you might actually enjoy it more than me. The excessive special effects and impressive sceneries are of course enough to please some viewers, I'm sure.

I have however read the tiny novel. Not only did I read it as a kid but I read it again after watching the second movie because that movie kinda pissed me off. The novel only contains 278 very easily read pages. Those 278 pages even include several drawings and lyrics for songs. The events in this third and last movie takes up 52 pages or 18% of the novel. How you can turn that into a movie that almost lasts 2.5 hours is either quite an achievement or plain ridiculous depending on how you look at it.

Is it at least entertaining then? Not really. The beginning with Smaug's attack is rather cool but then there's lots and lots of fighting between dwarves and elves and men and orcs and beasts. Also there's lots of nothing much happening. Then there's the love story that wasn't happening in the novel and a lot of other crap that wasn't happening either.

But why the hell did I go and see it in the cinema paying money for it when I damn well knew it would suck. Well, having seen the 2 first movies I had to see the 3rd movie to be able to tell how much I hated it.

It's fascinating how a very successful adaption of The Lord of the Rings [2001-2003] can turn into the mess that The Hobbit is. When greed and lust for money takes over and stretches a movie which should have lasted 2 or 3 hours into 3 far too long movies that are only loosely based on the actual novel then it has to suck. Sorry Peter Jackson, but you have failed miserably. I guess you owe the late Tolkien an apology.

By the way, I made the mistake of watching the first The Hobbit movie again on Netflix recently and it doesn't go down well a second time. I had a very hard time not falling asleep and there is no chance in hell I'll ever repeat that mistake with the other 2 movies. Let's just forget that these 3 movies ever happened.

Director: Peter Jackson
Runtime: 2h24
The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (2D) [2014] (movie review)
The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (2D) [2014] (movie review)
Reply #:    Name : KP     Country : Denmark     Created : 2014-12-11 05:13:51   
Funny SPOILER detail: when Thorin finally decides to join his massive army (10-11 dwarves or thereabout) to the battle, it has a massive impact. But why?! Did they bring nuclear weapons, tanks, B-52s or at least machineguns? Beyond fucking ridiculous. Jebus X. But again, it shouldn't have surprised me. At all. And it didn't.   
Movie reviews:
KP's Top 10 of Movies "that didn't really fit in on any of my other Top x lists"  ♦  Hellboy 2 - The Golden Army  ♦  District 9  ♦  The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2D) [2012]   ♦  The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (2D) [2013]  ♦  RoboCop [2014]  ♦  "1917" [2020]